Morality Dept

Merry Christmas, #3586-290

Time for my yearly revision(isms).

They (whoever they are) are about to catch up with Santa. The charges are being prepared. I know what you’re going to say—Santa’s always been a standup guy. But you miss the point—Mr. Clause is a menace to society.

To wit:

He has entered the sovereign territory of the United States without a valid passport,

He is guilty of breaking and entering and burglary,

He has made flights using airspace without a flight plan,

Uttered hate speech; to wit: "Ho! Ho! Ho!",

Violated the establishment clause of the 1st Amendment—"Merry [Christ]mas!”—this phrase clearly violates the [courts] ‘separation’ interpretation.

And so we should prepare an oral argument against this Mr. Clause, to be decided in the courts; all the way to the highest court if necessary.

Be it known all lawyers and Supreme Court justices by these presents: we know you’re special.

Time for my dummies guide to the obfuscation Claus of the Constitution: the 1st Amendment! I know you guys are clearly fed up having to explain this pesky writ. So, I’ll do it for you—for a very reasonable fie, naturally.

(†Please see terms and conditions.)

Let’s give it a shot, why not. One more interpretation won’t hurt. Time to sweep away the cobwebs, clear up the confusion.

The following is the word for word quote, emphasized (in bold and/or underlined text), followed by a short, and useless commentary:

“Congress shall make no law

[Respecting] ([an]) establishment [of religion],

[or prohibiting the free exercise] [thereof];

or  abridging [(the)] freedom of speech,

or  [of] the press;

or  the (right) of the people (peaceably) to assemble,

and to petition [the Government] for [a] redress of [grievances].”

Kind of self-explanatory, isn't it? Well, let's not let that stop us from obfuscation. 

”...make no law respecting…"—this is the defining kernel. More about that word, ‘respecting’, in a moment.

Note the first ‘an’, denoting something already in existence. The 1st, 2nd,3rd, and 4th cases of the word, ‘the’, denote something already in existence as well.

The 6th ‘the’, (Government) is subservient concerning ‘the people’; its existence is dependent upon the people.

Since these rights are pre-existent, then ‘the government’ is not the inventor of these rights. (Oh, what's in a word anyway by the sunny sea shore.)

These rights were grammatically formalized as this Amendment was being written, and the grievances are not specified; it is certainly implied that any grievances are a description of our government's excesses concerning remedies.

So, our government's job is to butt-out—that is, make no law respecting: they are only the enforcement entity for these rights.

But we have an inherent conflict of interest because the existence of the ‘1st’ has effectively crowned government as the arbiter, the interpreter of the 1st amendment—therefore the meaning of the meaning. Get it? But we know these rights existed before our government did. So—what now?

Our government is not the pre-imminent one—we the people are. Get you get it? Do I get it? Are we having fun yet?

The lightswitch fantastic was already turned on before our government came along to stick its fingers in the pie and run off at the mouth.

But...but...

Now the government sits upon the throne of 1st Amendment interpretation. Well. Isn't that special!

It is believed by some that these rights can only be given-up by choice. So if the courts say "Simon says", are you going to jump through those hoops? Well? C'mon—admit it! You want to! You herder you! Jump Jack, jump! Dive, Sally and John! And you'd better like it. 

Enter Santa.

You see, Santa has scoffed at justice; he's contemptuously flown against prevailing government winds; he may even have taken up residence on the very rooftops of our belief-systems—madness, I tell you!

Where were we? Oh yes. Pay particular attention to the ‘or’s, and the ‘and’s. The first or ties respecting an establishment, with prohibiting the free exercise, together. 

Let’s get back to that word “…respecting…”. This is meat for lawyers, it's money for bankers—bannanas for monkeys. It's publicity for Britney—a nose job for Jackson. It's all things to all people—it is—nevermind what it is—we'll just define it:

— ‘With regard or relation to’—

And the word relation is—belonging to or characteristic of two entities or parts together

or,

1) Concerning, or that which concerns.

2) or, about.

So, the word respecting means connecting. And the part of the 1st that says “…make no law respecting…” means just that—don’t do it.

So how is it that our court de supreme has done the inverse of making no laws respecting an establishment of religion, as it concerns Santa in some public places—but not other public places? Hmm?

Why is a façade of Moses from on high hanging over the Supreme Court building? And, those opening prayers for congressional sessions?

Apparently, some people seem to have their glasses on backwards or sideways when they look at this amendment.

Like maybe, me, you say?

Nah—my glasses are on the straight and narrow.

The meaning of the 1st Amendment is very clear—it's simply not open for interpretation. Except, of course for those who wish for job security (lawyers and would-be gods!—Merry Christmas!)

The church of peer pressure and the state have joined forces. They are the Handers down from on-high, the holders of perception, of reality itself. And the cause of this sea of woes? This sorrow about even having to think about this first of all the amendments?

Santa!

You dog.

You see, the Justices do not want to answer to a minority of individuals who are offended at Santa, so they offend the majority of us by curtailing our freedoms. Because they don't know how to deal with religion, and don't give a damn to boot.

Religion is a bundle of different meanings in the minds of different individuals and the supreme court is clueless! Wait a minute—isn't that what those dunderheads get paid to do? J

Well now. Religion is perceived to be lower on the scale of rights—yet it is the first listed. Mr Speaker! We need an amendment to the amendment. Hold the pickles. 

How now—w e are still left with that irritating “…make no law…” part of it. Flaming furies! Well, just ignore those pesky details. Generations of supreme court justices have. Still—it is an uncomfortable loophole... 

Does this mean the United States is not all it’s cracked up to be? That the foundation upon which Liberty rests is...is, well—is as cracked as the Bell that tolls our freedom?  

A number of Congressmen/women push for the appointment of Justices who will vigorously deny religion, they intend to stamp out ‘In God We Trust’. That's ok. They can re-convene with a call to prayers, first.

Don’t look at that man behind the curtain..

The supreme court has interpreted religion as ‘off limits’ from the public square. But what about pigeons? Or trees? Or—you guessed it—Santa!

This must be where Thom Jeff got his ‘separation of lawyers and money.’ What's that? Wrong quote? Sorry—church and judges. Sorry, did it again—I meant church and state.

I have my rights! I have as much right to buy and sell Congressmen as anybody! I want my shot at influencing the appointment of Court Justices.

Come to think of it, I’m not going to take it anymore! I’m going to invoke—  

My Constitutional right to offend!

My Constitutional right to call for the beatification of supreme court justices.

My Constitutional right to smoke mirrors!

My Constitutional right to install prayer mats in every public place—allahu akbar, ACLU J .

My Constitutional right to have Nativity scenes set up in public places. Or carted away, for that matter.

My constitutional right to write bad stories. (Freedom of expression(:>).

My Constitutional right to yell “Save the whales!” in crowded  theaters.

My Constitutional right to proclaim "Vast horizons!" in the town square!

The New Paradigm

They say the Constitution is ‘the living Constitution.’ Let’s roll that marble around in our heads...  

The living Constitution. The breathing Constitution. The whispering Constitution. The everything to every manwoman Constitution. The Constitution with the most-est. The Constitution that gots Mojo! The Constitution that sits back in his/her dark shades and suns itself by the pool...the coming right-at-you-baby, Constitution.

Our Constitution—cha cha! Our constitution has that certain je ne sais quoi’!

Let's bestow a paradigm—ready for this—the un-rights of the people!

Un-rights, as you might guess are—you got it—rights that don’t exist.

…the adversary will send his attorney to wait at your front door with a cigarette in his mouth, distractedly turning as you open the door. He'll quickly toss that butt and give you a forlorn look. That look that says, “Trust Me!” With both hands out he'll plead. He'll plead as the tears stream down his face…

Stand firm. Remember your separation.

Lawyers, don’t get your hands caught in the cookie jar.

I didn’t say don’t do it – I said don’t get caught.

Of course, if you still want to make an end-run, and you get caught, well then – you pays your money and you takes your chances—the judge'll allow you to take your cookie. That’s a clever boy...

Judges, don’t get caught with your hand in the cookie jar. I didn’t say don’t do it—I said don’t get caught.

Of course, if you still want to make an end-run, and you get caught, well—you pays your money and you takes your chances—Santa might not even appeal, allowing you to have your cookie. That’s a clever boy...

And Momas: don't let your babies grow up to be any other than cowboys.

What was that? Oh, yes. 1st Amendment rights for jerks like Joe Public. Jerks who probably don’t deserve any stinking rights anyway...

Santa's going to take a dive. After his inevitable conviction, attorneys will appeal his case and the supreme court will agree to certioraris Santa clause. I can see it now…

Justice Buyer-

Mr. Sharpless, you may give your summation.

Mr. Sharpless-

Justices, this poor man has done nothing wrong! He was just trying to have a little fun! Think of the poor kids – the weeping…

Justice Rue Paul Stevens-

Excuse me, but are you saying your client was not culpable!

Mr. Sharpless-

Yes sir. It is my contention that Mr. Claus was legally insane while in the commission of the alleged crimes against humanity.

Justice Dr. Ruth-

You’ll have to explain to me how this character’s sanity is under incertitude.

Mr. Sharpless-

Well, it all started a long time ago. In a far-away land…

Justice Thompson-

Mr. Sharpless, you’re going to have to wake up pretty early in the morning to get one over on us!

Mr. Sharpless-

Justices! That’s the point! Santa delivers his goodies late at night before anyone wakes up. Don’t you see…

Justice Scooter-

And you expect this court to believe Santa has imminent domain—in my house!

Mr. Sharpless-

Well, now that you mention it…

Chief Justice Regards-

That’s it. We’ll adjourn and render the little fat-ass. I mean render a verdict. I mean a ruling...

----Flash! The Supreme Court has handed down a ruling--

The sentence against Mr. Santa Clause is stayed.

The snow now gently falls…

The Yuletides are upon us, bringing ____ cheer, thoughts of childhood holidays sitting under the ___ tree, and hoping we get that very special ___ present.

Or, if you like, for those who do not celebrate __ , this holiday season represents a quickening of the spirit, a time of breathing in crisp air, and watching brightly festooned holiday scenes, as you make your way down main street, admiring the ___lights.

A a time of leafless hardwood trees, of evergreens and bright red colors. The time which seems to carry us all back to the beginning, on its cosmic sleigh ride, before setting us down again, to start a new year.

Remember what Santa used to say – “Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry ___ !”

That’s right – mentioning the word, ___mas , may cost you a fine, possibly jailtime—and don't think I won't turn you in pal.

Santa's sitting on his bunk in a 6x6, languishing in the bighouse. He's doin time for—

Practicing free speech?

Or –

Infringing on the rights of others?   

What is this ‘particular holiday'.

I can’t say.

-Why not?-

Because if I do, I’ll be arrested.

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Definitions were  used from the ™WordWeb electronic dictionary: ®WordWeb, ©Desperience.com.  Your dictionary (if different) probably says pretty much the same.